4 Tips to Speak with Confidence

By Don Laird, Psychotherapist, MS, NCC, LPC, and 2017 Speak & Tell! Camp Guest Presenter

What do you fear about public speaking? The short answer is:  Not knowing what will happen when you are in front of a group of people. It’s not the topic that you are worried about. You know the material. You’ve studied your speech, rehearsed it, and played it out in your head a hundred times. Your worry stems from what will happen when you step to the podium.

The fear of being critiqued, making a mistake, or not measuring up, can all stop a good speech in its tracks or make a great performance mediocre at best. Always keep this mind; the people you are speaking in front of want you to do well. Nobody wants to sit through a bad speech. They want information delivered clearly and concisely and only you can stop that from happening. If you are genuine, relaxed, and you cover the material with clarity, you will win over the audience. In most cases, whatever you're frightened of most won't occur. Remember, if your inner dialog talked you into feeling worried then you can always self talk yourself out of fear.

1. Be prepared.Make sure you know the material that you're going to cover. Create a detailed outline; make note cards, and allow yourself to visualize the text.  As an example, associate parts of your speech to the time of day. For instance, imagine the first part of your outline is the early morning. The second part is Noon. The third part is the afternoon, etc. Associate each part of your speech or outline with how you imagine the time of day. You can also use pictures or photos to illustrate something that will help you remember a point. The morning of the presentation, do a run through using your particular visualization technique.
    
2. Competency matters and practice does indeed make perfect (or at least close to perfect). Try to stick with topics that you are familiar with and have a level of interest that exceeds what you’ve written or researched. Liking a topic goes a long way. Speaking on a subject that you are not familiar with or interested in will typically increase your stress. Additionally, find alternate places that can afford you the opportunity to practice. Practicing your speech in the same location may not provide you with the flexibility needed when you “go live” in front of an audience.
    
3. Relaxing is the art and science of letting go. There are many ways to relax, but one of the most efficient and easiest ways is to practice deep breathing. Practicing a breathing exercise daily will relax your body and mind. Here's one that you can do anywhere, even before your speech or presentation.
   

   - Sit comfortably, with your knees bent and your shoulders, head and neck relaxed.
   - Place one hand on your upper chest and the other just below your rib cage. This will allow you to feel your diaphragm move as you breathe.
   - Breathe in slowly through your nose so that your stomach moves out against your hand. The hand on your chest should remain as still as possible.
   - Tighten your stomach muscles, letting them fall inward as you exhale through your mouth. The hand on your upper chest must remain as still as possible.
   

4. Don’t let them see you sweat. No one can read your mind, but they can read your body language. Appear nervous and the audience will know you are nervous. Your stomach might be in knots, but the crowd won’t know unless you make it obvious. Relax! (See Number 3) Most times, with public speaking, you think that people may notice you're nervous. Remember, this makes you even more nervous. Don't worry so much. As I said before, people want to see you succeed. They want a good speech. You can do this!

And so the day has arrived for you to deliver your speech or presentation. All of your preparation and hard work has brought you to this point. Be confident. Don’t allow yourself to be the only one in the room who thinks you don’t have this.  Stand tall, shoulders back and smile. Even though you might not feel confident, do it anyway. You will look confident and the audience will respond accordingly. Follow the above points. Create a few of your own, but above all, relax and enjoy the moment.

To learn more about Speak & Tell! camp or any of our other exciting, fun and unique Summer Camps for Teens, email us at luminari@luminari.org or call us at (412) 877 -1888.

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Don Laird is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Nationally Certified Counselor with more than 13 years of experience in providing help to adults, teens, couples, and families who are struggling with a wide range of issues including but not limited to: anxiety, depression, self esteem and confidence issues. As well as providing psychotherapy and counseling services, Don is a published author and adjunct professor who teaches graduate and undergraduate courses in professional counseling and psychology at Carlow University. Additionally, he facilitates workshops in the areas of dreams, self growth, and stress reduction and co-host a podcast on psychology.

Own Your Inner Critic

by Don Laird, MS, LPC, NCC

“Nothing’s either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” ~ William Shakespeare

Your inner critic relishes your thoughts, especially the “irrational” and “negative” ones. He, She or It will tell you things about yourself that would sound like verbal abuse if said out loud. “Here’s an endless list of all the things you do wrong, make worse or just make you a HORRIBLE human being,” He, She or It will say. Yet, in a court of law, these statements would be considered pure conjuncture, speculation and misleading. Simply put, your inner critic loves to cast shadows, expand on misconceptions and create poor self-expectations. So, just what makes something good or bad? Despite what my critic tells me, it’s not my thoughts. Our personality structure consists of the Body, the Ego, and the Spirit all working in tandem, at least on a good day. This has important consequences for the creative process. Creating is often pre-reflective, non-verbal, being present in a very committed and intimate way that is unconditional and removed from the everyday “stuff” that constitutes our thinking, rational ego.

Consequently, talking too much pulls one toward ego. This is an important lesson for all those who engage in a creative endeavor. Writers, poets, painters, dancers, musicians and, yes, even therapists are at their best when they are mindful to the art of silence. It is the sense of risk that our inner critic fears the most and consequently this is part of the arsenal he or she will use against us at our most vulnerable moments.

We learn very early in life to pass judgment on those parts of ourselves that don’t meet the expectations of others and, thus, fulfill a self-prophecy to live through a very tiny part of our totality while casting other “unacceptable” parts of ourselves into the shadows, where we keep them hidden in the darkness. There are many ways of exposing this inner critic, which Psychologist Carl Jung coined the “shadow.”

Jung held that the unconscious could be an attentive companion and mentor to the conscious and that psychic wholeness or individuation comes from bringing equilibrium to the unconscious and the conscious. He professed the foremost way of doing this was through dreams. I believe that this relationship is also part and parcel of the creative journey. The key is navigating the strict chart that the rational, conscious mind, the “The I that I think I am”, has mapped for us.

Here are a few pointers when dealing with your inner critic:

Give a name to you inner critic. If you can name it, you can own it! Personification will assist you in dealing with negative thinking. This way, you are more likely to begin a personal dialog between you and your “shadow.”

When struck by a negative thought, ask your inner critic for her or his hand to dance. Sound silly? Do it now, and while you’re at it, gently, seductively whisper into his or her ear that you are taking the lead in this dance. By integrating these mental gymnastics into your creative life you will be open to the possibility of experiencing creative freedom, and then the true dance can begin!

Challenge you inner critic by giving shape to the existentials of life, “What does the warm, engrossing blackness where creative ideas spring from look and feel like?” Draw it, write it, map it, BUT don’t think about it!

Successful artists are successful for a number of reasons, but here are five to remember:

1. They are passionate about their work. 
2. They are risk takers. 
3. They are technical experts at their craft. 
4. They feel comfortable with failure. 
5. They are “strange and unusual” and damn proud of it. 
6. They consign art and creativity to the theater of everyday life – something they do with every nuance of their existence. 

Creativity is important to our health. Never underestimate the power of a journey. And if you feel at times that you’re not up to the test, remember this: if you don’t risk the journey, you risk more than just giving up.

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Don Laird is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Nationally Certified Counselor with more than 13 years of experience in providing help to adults, teens, couples, and families who are struggling with a wide range of issues including but not limited to: anger, anxiety, depression, divorce and separation, grief and loss, guilt, intimacy, life or career transitions, loss of meaning, marital discord, parenting, relationships, self esteem and confidence, stress, trauma, and wellness. As well as providing psychotherapy and counseling services, Don is a published author and adjunct professor who teaches graduate and undergraduate courses in professional counseling and psychology at Carlow University. Additionally, he facilitate workshops in the areas of dreams, self growth, and stress reduction and co-host a podcast on psychology.