Own Your Inner Critic

by Don Laird, MS, LPC, NCC

“Nothing’s either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” ~ William Shakespeare

Your inner critic relishes your thoughts, especially the “irrational” and “negative” ones. He, She or It will tell you things about yourself that would sound like verbal abuse if said out loud. “Here’s an endless list of all the things you do wrong, make worse or just make you a HORRIBLE human being,” He, She or It will say. Yet, in a court of law, these statements would be considered pure conjuncture, speculation and misleading. Simply put, your inner critic loves to cast shadows, expand on misconceptions and create poor self-expectations. So, just what makes something good or bad? Despite what my critic tells me, it’s not my thoughts. Our personality structure consists of the Body, the Ego, and the Spirit all working in tandem, at least on a good day. This has important consequences for the creative process. Creating is often pre-reflective, non-verbal, being present in a very committed and intimate way that is unconditional and removed from the everyday “stuff” that constitutes our thinking, rational ego.

Consequently, talking too much pulls one toward ego. This is an important lesson for all those who engage in a creative endeavor. Writers, poets, painters, dancers, musicians and, yes, even therapists are at their best when they are mindful to the art of silence. It is the sense of risk that our inner critic fears the most and consequently this is part of the arsenal he or she will use against us at our most vulnerable moments.

We learn very early in life to pass judgment on those parts of ourselves that don’t meet the expectations of others and, thus, fulfill a self-prophecy to live through a very tiny part of our totality while casting other “unacceptable” parts of ourselves into the shadows, where we keep them hidden in the darkness. There are many ways of exposing this inner critic, which Psychologist Carl Jung coined the “shadow.”

Jung held that the unconscious could be an attentive companion and mentor to the conscious and that psychic wholeness or individuation comes from bringing equilibrium to the unconscious and the conscious. He professed the foremost way of doing this was through dreams. I believe that this relationship is also part and parcel of the creative journey. The key is navigating the strict chart that the rational, conscious mind, the “The I that I think I am”, has mapped for us.

Here are a few pointers when dealing with your inner critic:

Give a name to you inner critic. If you can name it, you can own it! Personification will assist you in dealing with negative thinking. This way, you are more likely to begin a personal dialog between you and your “shadow.”

When struck by a negative thought, ask your inner critic for her or his hand to dance. Sound silly? Do it now, and while you’re at it, gently, seductively whisper into his or her ear that you are taking the lead in this dance. By integrating these mental gymnastics into your creative life you will be open to the possibility of experiencing creative freedom, and then the true dance can begin!

Challenge you inner critic by giving shape to the existentials of life, “What does the warm, engrossing blackness where creative ideas spring from look and feel like?” Draw it, write it, map it, BUT don’t think about it!

Successful artists are successful for a number of reasons, but here are five to remember:

1. They are passionate about their work. 
2. They are risk takers. 
3. They are technical experts at their craft. 
4. They feel comfortable with failure. 
5. They are “strange and unusual” and damn proud of it. 
6. They consign art and creativity to the theater of everyday life – something they do with every nuance of their existence. 

Creativity is important to our health. Never underestimate the power of a journey. And if you feel at times that you’re not up to the test, remember this: if you don’t risk the journey, you risk more than just giving up.

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Don Laird is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Nationally Certified Counselor with more than 13 years of experience in providing help to adults, teens, couples, and families who are struggling with a wide range of issues including but not limited to: anger, anxiety, depression, divorce and separation, grief and loss, guilt, intimacy, life or career transitions, loss of meaning, marital discord, parenting, relationships, self esteem and confidence, stress, trauma, and wellness. As well as providing psychotherapy and counseling services, Don is a published author and adjunct professor who teaches graduate and undergraduate courses in professional counseling and psychology at Carlow University. Additionally, he facilitate workshops in the areas of dreams, self growth, and stress reduction and co-host a podcast on psychology.