Own Your Inner Critic

by Don Laird, MS, LPC, NCC

“Nothing’s either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” ~ William Shakespeare

Your inner critic relishes your thoughts, especially the “irrational” and “negative” ones. He, She or It will tell you things about yourself that would sound like verbal abuse if said out loud. “Here’s an endless list of all the things you do wrong, make worse or just make you a HORRIBLE human being,” He, She or It will say. Yet, in a court of law, these statements would be considered pure conjuncture, speculation and misleading. Simply put, your inner critic loves to cast shadows, expand on misconceptions and create poor self-expectations. So, just what makes something good or bad? Despite what my critic tells me, it’s not my thoughts. Our personality structure consists of the Body, the Ego, and the Spirit all working in tandem, at least on a good day. This has important consequences for the creative process. Creating is often pre-reflective, non-verbal, being present in a very committed and intimate way that is unconditional and removed from the everyday “stuff” that constitutes our thinking, rational ego.

Consequently, talking too much pulls one toward ego. This is an important lesson for all those who engage in a creative endeavor. Writers, poets, painters, dancers, musicians and, yes, even therapists are at their best when they are mindful to the art of silence. It is the sense of risk that our inner critic fears the most and consequently this is part of the arsenal he or she will use against us at our most vulnerable moments.

We learn very early in life to pass judgment on those parts of ourselves that don’t meet the expectations of others and, thus, fulfill a self-prophecy to live through a very tiny part of our totality while casting other “unacceptable” parts of ourselves into the shadows, where we keep them hidden in the darkness. There are many ways of exposing this inner critic, which Psychologist Carl Jung coined the “shadow.”

Jung held that the unconscious could be an attentive companion and mentor to the conscious and that psychic wholeness or individuation comes from bringing equilibrium to the unconscious and the conscious. He professed the foremost way of doing this was through dreams. I believe that this relationship is also part and parcel of the creative journey. The key is navigating the strict chart that the rational, conscious mind, the “The I that I think I am”, has mapped for us.

Here are a few pointers when dealing with your inner critic:

Give a name to you inner critic. If you can name it, you can own it! Personification will assist you in dealing with negative thinking. This way, you are more likely to begin a personal dialog between you and your “shadow.”

When struck by a negative thought, ask your inner critic for her or his hand to dance. Sound silly? Do it now, and while you’re at it, gently, seductively whisper into his or her ear that you are taking the lead in this dance. By integrating these mental gymnastics into your creative life you will be open to the possibility of experiencing creative freedom, and then the true dance can begin!

Challenge you inner critic by giving shape to the existentials of life, “What does the warm, engrossing blackness where creative ideas spring from look and feel like?” Draw it, write it, map it, BUT don’t think about it!

Successful artists are successful for a number of reasons, but here are five to remember:

1. They are passionate about their work. 
2. They are risk takers. 
3. They are technical experts at their craft. 
4. They feel comfortable with failure. 
5. They are “strange and unusual” and damn proud of it. 
6. They consign art and creativity to the theater of everyday life – something they do with every nuance of their existence. 

Creativity is important to our health. Never underestimate the power of a journey. And if you feel at times that you’re not up to the test, remember this: if you don’t risk the journey, you risk more than just giving up.

***

Don Laird is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Nationally Certified Counselor with more than 13 years of experience in providing help to adults, teens, couples, and families who are struggling with a wide range of issues including but not limited to: anger, anxiety, depression, divorce and separation, grief and loss, guilt, intimacy, life or career transitions, loss of meaning, marital discord, parenting, relationships, self esteem and confidence, stress, trauma, and wellness. As well as providing psychotherapy and counseling services, Don is a published author and adjunct professor who teaches graduate and undergraduate courses in professional counseling and psychology at Carlow University. Additionally, he facilitate workshops in the areas of dreams, self growth, and stress reduction and co-host a podcast on psychology.

Camp Delicious Recipes

Don't know what to make for dinner - here are five easy, yummy recipes featured durigng our 2016 summer camp for teens. This collection of recipes by our guest chefs features foods that teens can make by themselves including quesadillas, pasta and even dessert.

CAMP DELICIOUS! ALUMNS: SHARE YOUR RECIPES

Do you have a favorite teen recipe to share? Tell us about your recipe and include a short bio about yourself. If you have an awesome recipe, please share it with the Luminari community. Tell us how you came up with your recipe and share a picture to have your recipe featured in our bi-monthly newsletter “LUMOS!”

GUACAMOLE 
(Recipe courtesy Leah Lizarondo)
Ripe Avocados {2}
Red onion {¼ small, chopped finely}
Garlic {½ clove, minced}
Lime juice {a splash}
Salt and pepper to taste

Pit avocados and spoon the flesh into a bowl. Add onion, garlic, a splash of lime juice and salt and pepper to taste. Serve alongside quesadillas OR with tortilla chips

FRESH SALSA 
(Recipe courtesy Leah Lizarondo)
3 large tomatoes {chopped}
1 green onion {finely chopped}
Cilantro {chopped to taste}
Lime juice {a splash}
Salt and pepper to taste

Chop tomatoes, place in a large bowl, add onion, cilantro, lime juice, salt, pepper and mix well.

QUESADILLAS 
(Recipe courtesy Leah Lizarondo)
Corn and flour tortillas {small}
Shredded cheese
Refried beans
Vegetables of choice:
Spinach
Olives
Zucchini
Peppers

Chop vegetables. Set aside. Spread a thin layer of refried beans on a tortilla, add vegetables and sprinkle on cheese. Place in a skillet and cook about 4 minutes on each side until cheese melts. Serve with guacamole and salsa.

***

GOURMET S’MORES
(Recipe courtesy Joe Triebsch)
Graham crackers: regular, cinnamon, or chocolate
Or:
Chocolate chip, lemon or oatmeal cookies; snickerdoodles
Milk or dark chocolate
Caramels
Peanut butter, almond butter, nutella
Marshmallows
Bananas
Strawberries
Raspberry jam

Toast marshmallows and select cookie of choice, add chocolate, add nut butter if desired, top with jam , sprinkles

***

MAC & CHEESE 101
(Recipe courtesy Chef Joey Hilty)
Cheese sauce
2 ¼ cups milk
3 Tbsp. butter
3 Tbsp. flour
1 Tsp. salt
Pinch of nutmeg
1 Cup grated cheese, more to
   taste (choose your favorite)

Place milk in a medium saucepan and bring to faint simmer over medium heat. In another medium saucepan, melt butter over medium-low heat. Add in flour and whisk until smooth. Cook for 2-3 minutes, whisking constantly, making sure mixture does not turn darker brown. Add heated milk to butter mixture one cup at a time, whisking constantly, until smooth. Continue to cook sauce until thickened slightly, about 5-10 minutes, stirring frequently.  Remove from heat; stir in salt and nutmeg.

MACARONI (Recipe courtesy Chef Joey Hilty)
1 ½  cups macaroni
2 Tbsp. salt
Boiling water

Fill small-medium pot ¾ water. Bring to a boil. When water is boiling add salt, to taste. Cook macaroni for 4 minutes, until tender. Drain.

To Serve: Put cheese sauce in pot, gently warm. Add cooked macaroni, stir to combine. Transfer to bowl, top with bread crumbs, green onion, caramelized onion, or any garnish of your choice.

***

CORN SOUP (Recipe courtesy Chef Trevett Hooper) 
4 Tbs butter
1 ¼ lbs corn kernels (from about 12 ears of corn), cobs reserved
6 Oz onions
1 Clove garlic
Pinch tumeric
1 Batch corn cob stock (below)
½  Cup heavy cream
1 ½  Tsp sea salt

Slowly sauté onions in butter with salt until soft. Add garlic and turmeric and cook for 2 minutes. Add corn and cook another 10 minutes until kernels are soft, being very carefully not to let corn brown too much. Cover with corn stock by 1” (you may not need all the stock). Cook for 25 minutes. Puree soup in a blender and pass through a sturdy strainer to remove solids. Add cream and season to taste. Adjust the soup’s consistency with leftover corn stock, if needed.

CORN STOCK (Recipe courtesy Chef Trevett Hooper) 
12 Leftover corncobs, cut in half
1 Onion, thinly sliced
1 Small bunch thyme
2 Garlic cloves, crushed
1 Bay leaf
2 Qt water

Put all ingredients in a pot and bring to a boil. Turn down to a simmer for about 45 minutes. Strain through a fine strainer.

***

HOMEMADE PASTA 
(Recipe courtesy Chef Kevin Watson)
2 Tbsp olive oil
3 Eggs
½ cup semolina

Put into a food processor, blend together and with the machine running slowly add in 1.5 cups flour
Mix until a ball of dough forms. If too dry, add a little water.

Take out of the food processor, knead ten times, cover with plastic wrap and let sit for 30 minutes. Use a pasta machine, or rolling pin to roll the dough out and make the noodles.

Sprinkle the noodles with a little semolina flour to prevent sticking. Put in boiling water for 4 minutes. After cooking the noodles, drain and add a little olive oil

FRESH MOZZARELLA CHEESE (Recipe courtesy Chef Kevin Watson)
Start with fresh mozzarella cheese curd (available at Pennsylvania Macaroni in the Strip District)

Tear into small pieces, like string cheese.
Pour hot water over the curd pieces, stir for 1 minute and let rest for 1 minute and then drain. Form the cheese curd into a ball using the ice water to cool your hands. Let  the cheese ball sit in the ice water for about 20 minutes to cool.
Then slice and enjoy!

Enjoy as is OR with tomatoes and basil
Mixed into pasta with fresh tomatoes, basil, garlic OR add sautéed vegetables, fresh mozzarella, basil and grated parmesan for a delicious meal.

***

CRISPY EGGPLANT (Recipe courtesy Randita’s Café/Randitas.com)
Eggplant cut into ½ inch circles
Soy milk
1 cup bread crumbs
1 Tsp salt
1 Tsp pPepper
1 Tsp garlic powder
Oil for browning (or bake in oven on a
   lightly oiled cookie sheet 425 for 10 min.)

Sprinkle sliced eggplant with salt and let drain for 30 minutes. Mix salt, pepper and garlic with bread crumbs. Dip eggplant in milk then in bread crumbs. Set aside until all eggplant is coated. Heat skillet over medium  high heat.  Brown eggplant on both sides.  Drain on paper towels.

HORSERADISH DIPPING SAUCE/DRESSING
(Recipe courtesy Randita’s Café/Randitas.com)
¼ cup mayo
2 Tbsp ketchup
2 Tbsp worcestershire sauce
1 Tbsp dijon mustard
3-4 Tsp prepared horseradish
½ Tsp oregano
1 Tsp agave (sweetener)
½ Tsp salt
¼ Tsp pepper

Mix all ingredients together and whisk until smooth. Store in refridgerator.

CUCUMBERS in SOUR CREAM DRESSING
(Recipe courtesy Randita’s Café/Randitas.com)

½ cup sour cream

3 Tbsp apple cider or white vinegar

1 Tbsp sugar

½ Tsp pepper

½ Tsp salt

4 medium cucumbers thinly sliced

1 small sweet onion thinly sliced  

   and separated into rings

Slice cucumbers and onions and place in bowl. Mix all the other ingredients together and pour over the cucumbers and onions.

Refrigerate for 3-4 hours. Serve with a slotted spoon.

***

Coffee Talks

By Beth Dolinar

They used to be called “coffee klatches”, those informal meetings of several individuals (usually women), who would drink coffee and chat. What comes to mind for me are those 1960s sitcoms in which women would just walk through their neighbors’ back doors and sit at the kitchen table for a visit.

We’ve gotten away from that sort of thing, just as most of us no longer vacuum in aprons and pearls. But we love our coffee more than ever. We just tend to call it other things (double breve macchiato, anyone?), and we don’t drink it at our next-door neighbor’s kitchen table.

I bring this up because it’s recruiting season for the Luminari camps. Although we’re not long past the fun and success of our 2016 camps (including our new public speaking camp, Speak and Tell), it’s time to look ahead to next summer, when we will once again offer a slate of innovative and exciting programs.

And here’s where the coffee comes in.  During the coming months, I will be hosting a series of “coffee talks” to spread the word about our camps. I will invite the parent of a recent camper to then invite several other parents—as few as 2 or 3 or as many as 6 or 7; we will meet at a coffee shop or someone’s home, to talk about our camps and how they can enrich the lives of teenagers.

The idea is to work face-to-face, taking a personal approach to telling parents about our four camps. The informal setting will allow the alumni parents to share their own children’s experience, and will allow me to answer questions.

We at Luminari begin our recruitment each fall to give families the opportunity to consider their summer plans and to confirm their registrations well before the “spring crunch.”

As coordinator for Luminari, I enjoy getting to know our teen campers as well as their parents. These coffee talks will allow me to do more of that.

If you are the parent of a camper and would like to put together a group for one of our talks, please call or e-mail bdolinar@luminari.org.

And if you’re just learning about Luminari, I’d love to meet with you and your friends, too. These coffee talks are for everyone—parents of teens and friends of teens. Teachers, too.

I’ll be happy to meet all of you.  And the coffee’s on me.

***

Luminari Coordinator, Beth Dolinar brings her talents and experience as a writer, Emmy-award producer, public speaker and deadline driven multi-tasker to our team. She writes a popular column for the Washington "Observer-Reporter." She is a contributing producer of documentary length programming for WQED-TV on a wide range of topics and currently teaches as an adjunct faculty member at Robert Morris University. Beth has a son and a daughter. She is an avid yoga devotee, cyclist and reader. Beth says she types like lightning but reads slowly -- because she likes a really good sentence.