Our Point Of View

A Message from Hilda Pang Fu, Luminari President and Founder

Photo by Dr. Freddie Fu

Sometimes, when words fail us, we are lucky enough to find an image that captures our feelings. This is such an image.

Most of us here in the Pittsburgh area are familiar with the sculpture “Point of View.” It is the work of James A. West, commissioned by the city in 1990. It stands in a small park on Mt. Washington, overlooking the Golden Triangle.

The piece depicts George Washington and Seneca leader Guyasuta in a face-to-face meeting in October 1770. The two men met while General Washington was in the area touring land for a future settlement along the Ohio River.

I am showing you this image because I have become increasingly concerned that the values of civility and common respect are disappearing from our world. Recent political events—and the brash discourse surrounding them—appear to be injecting a poisonous rancor into the common ground we share. One needs only glance at social media screens to recognize that the skills of thoughtful conversation and consideration have been forgotten.

But I, for one, am not losing hope. When I look at this image, I see two men whose life experiences and goals could not have been more divergent. And yet…

And yet, they came together in mutual respect to find the goals they shared. Notice they have put down their weapons. And despite what was almost certainly a language barrier, they are listening.

Of course, If this photograph were historically accurate, there would be no grand city over their shoulders. All would be green and wild and raw.

But I like this image better, because it shows all the dazzling progress that was sparked by that face-to-face meeting. We see skyscrapers, green space, a fountain, stadiums—all of them monuments to the spirit of cooperation that built this city.

And in the distance I see bridges, themselves carrying the message that progress and peace lie only in the spaces between us. It is the work of civility and diplomacy that reaches across that space.

If you haven’t seen the sculpture, the next time you’re on Mt. Washington, drive west on Grandview Avenue and see the General and the Chief, two very different individuals who met on common ground. And then look across the water and see all that their meeting started.

It is my sincere hope that, more than 3 centuries later, we may return to that same spirit of kindness and cooperation. We need it now more than ever. 

Top 5 Reasons to be a Teen Ambassador!

I Want to be an Ambassador! camp begins June 14-22, 2016. So we're counting down the TOP 5 Reasons Your Teen should SIGN UP....

Dates: June 14 – June 22, 2016
Time: 9:00 am – 3:30 pm (excluding weekends)
Location: Heinz History Center and various locations in Washington DC
Duration: 7 days
Target Audience: Rising 8th-12th graders
Tuition: $895.00

Learn more or register today for one of our fun and unique summer camps for teens at www.luminari.org or call us at 412-877-1888.

Tossing that first pebble

by Beth Dolinar

I was sitting in my car on a side road on Squirrel Hill, having just listened to Luminari founder Hilda Fu talk about our summer camps in an interview with KDKA radio, when the phone rang.

“I heard about what you are doing for young people and it brought tears,” the woman said from the other end of the call.

Her name was Carla, and she had just heard the interview. Mrs. Fu gave an eloquent and heartfelt description of the camps, and spoke of the philosophy of “everyday diplomacy” and understanding that shape her worldview and inspired her to start Luminari.

Carla called to say she was touched by what she’d heard on the radio. She doesn’t have children, but she understands that we’re all in this together, and that a peaceful future rests in the hands of all our young people.

“I think it’s wonderful that something like this is there for our kids,” Carla said.

I hear a lot of comments like Carla’s.

I’m new to Luminari, having joined the team as Administrative Coordinator in late April. In that role, I’m doing some paperwork, some writing, some research and mostly, now, recruiting students for our four summer camps. It’s been a sharp learning curve for me. As a college writing professor and producer of documentaries for WQED-TV, I have spent many years preparing classes, writing and conducting research. The work with Luminari calls on those skills that I already had, but has required me to learn some new ones.  Recruiting and helping to register students for the camps is taxing the memory and detail areas of my brain that had been snoozing since my college days. If it’s true that learning something new will help fend off cognitive decline and dementia, then I should be good to go until I’m 104.

I enjoy talking about Luminari and its camps. I’ve never been a salesperson, but selling the idea and mission of the camps to the school community has been satisfying. Parents want their teens to have experiences that open up their worlds. Our camps do that, and then some.

I’m able to speak with personal experience about the Teen Writer camp. My daughter Grace attended the camp last year. She’s not crazy about writing, and to be honest, I was looking for a way to keep her productive and busy during some of the dog days of summer. My co-worker and producer extraordinaire Gina Catanzarite leads the camp. I knew Grace would have a good week.

Teen Writers working on creative writing exercises.

And she did. She met students from other schools and from other walks of life. Going in, Grace had feared this would be like school English class, but she was wrong. Gina had the students exploring and interacting and conjuring in ways you don’t always get in English class. One day, Gina gave each student a five-dollar bill and took them on a walking tour of Oakland, telling them to spend the money in an interesting way. Grace gave hers to a homeless person and wrote about it.

What 15 year old doesn’t need that kind of experience? Ever since Grace and her brother were toddlers, I’ve tried to instill empathy. I don’t know if that can even be taught. Maybe it will turn out that empathy is a notch on the DNA strand, innate and cemented like eye color or height. But if it’s teachable, then it’s our job as parents and teachers to teach it.

Middle school and high school tend to be closed universes, with each school day beginning and ending with interactions with the same teachers, the same students, the same curricula. Large or small, schools present a whirlpool of experience that reaches only as far as the walls.

Luminari presents students with a new pool in which to swim, with new faces, new teachers, and new ideas. I like the pool metaphor, but it’s Mrs. Fu’s to tell. She created the camps to foster a “ripple effect” among the students. Open one mind and the waves touch many others.

Her goal with Luminari is to encourage young people to put themselves into the shoes of other people, to reach across barriers of race or background or language and find the common ground we share.      

For many high school students, May is prom time. My Grace was excited to be asked to go this year. The day before the prom, the shoes she ordered arrived at the door. They were high and they were pink and let’s just say they weren’t exactly as comfortable as her bedroom slippers. A bit of complaining ensued.

“First-world problem,” I told her. “There are people in Nepal right now who are searching for their next drink of water because an earthquake wiped out their village. Your shoes are a little bit tight.”

Those are hard lessons for kids to learn. We can talk to them every day about being grateful for what they have, about how we all have the same desires and fears; how reaching across our perceived differences will change the people on both sides. Talking about it is one thing. Luminari camps put that into practice.

Luminari Founder Hilda Pang Fu (pictured right)
helps an Ambassador Camp teen write in Chinese.  

During her radio interview, Mrs. Fu talked about the “I Want to be an Ambassador Camp”, which travels to Washington, D.C. for two days of visits to the State Department, the embassies and the memorial and monuments.

“If we had true diplomacy, there wouldn’t be a need for those monuments,” she said. I thought about that for a while. She’s right. Profound and important as they are, the Vietnam Memorial, the WW2 Memorial, and the Korean War memorial wouldn’t have been carved had problems been resolved through diplomacy.

Spaces for the Ambassador camp are filling up. Equally popular is Camp Delicious—five days in the kitchen with UPMC nutritionist Leslie Bonci, who shows the campers that 13 or 17 is never too young to learn to cook a really good meal--and that food is a way to connect with people, too. I’m hoping my work assignment that week takes me to the kitchen, and that one of our students asks me to sample her work. Or his.

Having raised one teenager—my son, a college junior—and still raising my daughter, I know a thing or two about how these young minds work. Teenagers don’t always know what they need or would enjoy until we show them the possibilities. Some kids will gobble all the kale the first time you put it on their plate, and others—probably most—will need some encouragement. In my house the rule has been you have to take a few bites of everything. Often, that’s all it took. Both my kids hated Brussels sprout hash the first time I cooked it, but now they’ll eat it.

Camp Delicious! Teens visit Whole Foods Market. 

It’s all about opening their minds to the possibilities. Try a new food and learn how to cook it yourself. Try a different approach to writing your story. Get to know someone you thought could never be your friend. Find out about him. Walk in his shoes; his probably feel a little tight, too.

I’ve helped to register a young man and his sister for Ambassador camp. Their family came here from Iraq, with a brief stopover in Turkey, to escape the war. I haven’t met them yet, but I am guessing their stories and their worldview will make for interesting discussions at camp. As a chaperone of the D.C. trip, I will have the opportunity to get to know the two of them. I’d like to know what they think of the United States, and Pittsburgh. I hope I’ll get a chance to ask them.

I suspect we’ll find we share some common ground. As Carla told me on the phone, we all have to learn how to get along with each other, make life better for one another.

     

And that’s why Luminari is here.

***

Luminari is excited to introduce the newest member of our team, Beth Dolinar. In her new role as Luminari Coordinator, Beth will be sharing her unique skills and a wealth of experience to help us better engage the Pittsburgh community while growing our core programs and strengthening our mission of broadening minds.

Beth brings her talents and experience as a writer, Emmy-award producer, public speaker and deadline driven multi-tasker to our team. She writes a popular column for the Washington "Observer-Reporter." She is a contributing producer of documentary length programming for WQED-TV on a wide range of topics and currently teaches as an adjunct faculty member at Robert Morris University. Beth has a son and a daughter. She is an avid yoga devotee, cyclist and reader. Beth says she types like lightning but reads slowly -- because she likes a really good sentence.

Looking Forward to 2015

On Thursday, February 19, 2015 we welcome the Year of the Goat. Chinese New Year is an annual event that marks the beginning of the Lunar calendar with a spectacular 15-day celebration observed by many Asian cultures as a time of reflection, renewal, and most importantly reformation – embracing change and looking to a new and prosperous year ahead!

To ensure our growth and continued success in 2015, Luminari is pleased to announce that three of its long-time partners have pledged their support for this year’s summer programs including Schell Games, an award-winning, Pittsburgh-based game development company; Berner International, Corp., a leading manufacturer of air curtains and doors headquartered in New Castle Pennsylvania; Brown Brothers Harriman, a banking institution with more than 200 years of experience in investment services; and UPMC Center for Engagement and Inclusion, which promotes dignity and respect in the workplace and cultural competency in patient and family care.

We are extremely grateful to these outstanding organizations for their belief in our mission and continued support. If you would like to join them in supporting Luminari, or would like to learn more about our sponsorship opportunities, please visit our website or call (412) 877 - 1888.

Looking ahead we have big plans for the I Want to be an Ambassador! camp, and under the leadership of our new director Gina Catanzarite, we will be incorporating more new media in the camp this year. Luminari is all about the “ripple effect” of positive change and throughout the camp, our teens will be sharing inspirational images, quotes, video clips, and advice for being an “ambassador” at home, at school, in the community and beyond. Be sure to follow Luminari on Facebook and Twitter for instant updates and to witness first-hand the progression of our new ambassadors.

In addition, we have an exciting change for our Teen Writer! Fantastic Fiction camp too. In the past, our teen writers frequently told us they wished the camp lasted even longer – and we heard you. Luminari is happy to say that this year’s Fantastic Fiction camp has been extended to four days!

More good news! For the first time, Luminari invites Teen Writers to apply for a scholarship to its Teen Writer! camps. Students who want to submit entries for the Teen Writer/Luminari Award can write a 500 - 700 word essay on the importance of contributing diverse opinions and ideas to the public through creative and journalistic writing. They should also state how they, personally, want their writing to broaden the minds of readers. One student will be selected for a Teen Writer Luminari Award, which includes a full scholarship to attend a Teen Writer! camp in 2015, a $395.00 value.

To learn more about the Luminari Award, other available scholarships or to apply, visit www.luminari.org.

Luminari Award winners will be announced beginning in February (beginning with our ESL Award) – so stay tuned!

Sincerely,
Team Luminari

Is There a Place for Conflict Resolution in Our Education Systems?

Written by Rebecca Cataldi, Conflict Resolution Specialist

Rebecca Cataldi leading the first I Want to be an Ambassador! camp conflict resolution session (summer 2010).

In the past few decades, graduate, undergraduate, and Ph.D. programs in the relatively new field of conflict resolution have begun to proliferate in the United States and around the world. Such programs often focus on teaching students to analyze theories and causes of conflict and to design strategies to constructively address conflicts at the individual, group, communal, national, and international levels.

Yet what role, if any, does the study of conflict resolution play in a student’s primary and secondary education? Some schools have Citizenship or Ethics classes which aim to prepare students to interact positively with others in their community and society, and religious schools teach moral values with regard to peace and conflict from a religious perspective. Some schools have even begun to implement peer mediation programs which train students to mediate conflicts among their fellow students, usually as part of a specialized or extracurricular program. However, in my experience, study of the science and basic principles of conflict resolution as a regular part of a student’s primary school or secondary school curriculum is rare in most schools.

Yet a child’s early formative and teenage years, when he or she begins to learn to interact with a larger and more diverse group of people—for the first time as a young child in a classroom and later at the beginning of his or her transition to adulthood—may be when development of awareness and skills in conflict resolution is most critical. If children learn such skills early on, they will be more likely to put them into practice throughout their lives, benefitting not only themselves and their peers, but society as a whole.

Recently I attended a conflict resolution conference in Jordan. Although it was designed to teach various conflict resolution skills from a theoretical perspective, participants ended up experiencing conflict in a much more hands-on way than originally anticipated. At times there was great tension between participants from Israel and participants from Palestine and Jordan because of the ongoing Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Some people made accusations against others without listening to the other points of view. With emotions very tense, some people shouted at others, and accused those who wanted to reach out in peace to the “other side” of being traitors. Some Palestinians walked out of the conference completely when they realized that Israelis were present. Many of them later returned, and many good discussions ended up taking place during the course of the conference. But I wondered what the impact might have been if all of the participants had received more training in basic conflict resolution principles before entering into interactions with each other?

All of us can benefit from studying conflict and developing skills to constructively address conflict, whether within our own lives or in the lives of those around us. While there are many important elements of conflict resolution, there are several in particular that I have learned both through various conflict resolution training and education programs and through life experiences which I focus on when conducting conflict resolution trainings. The following are some basic conflict resolution principles that can be useful for both children and adults, and could perhaps form a starting point for developing conflict resolution education programs for children at an earlier age.

Principle 1: Reframe the Conflict

To reframe the conflict means to change the way we view it. Often we view a conflict as a competition with someone who opposes us, where we must “win” in order to defend or protect ourselves or fulfill our goals. The other person is seen as an obstacle to fulfilling our own needs; he or she must “lose” in order for us to be able to win. However, if we can shift our thinking to begin to view the conflict not as a competition where we want to defeat the other side, but as a problem to be solved together for the benefit of both—an opportunity to improve the situation and create a better future—we will be much more likely to find a solution that everyone can be happy with and is willing to sustain.

It’s easy, especially in a tense conflict situation, to focus only on our own needs or the needs of the group with which we identify. We may see our nation, ethnic group, or religious group as separate from the “foreign” group, and pursue the needs of our group at the expense or disregard of the needs of the “other.” But when we reframe the conflict as a problem to be solved together, the other becomes our “partner” rather than our “opponent” or our “enemy”. The goal in dealing with the conflict thus becomes broader—instead of simply asking, “How can I achieve my goal?”, we ask, “How can my needs be fulfilled so that the other side’s needs are also fulfilled, in a solution that both of us can be happy with and sustain?” This is called a “win-win” solution, where both sides win, rather than a “win-lose” solution where one side wins and the other loses, or a “lose-lose” situation where everyone is worse off. Win-win solutions are more sustainable, reducing the likelihood that conflict will break out again in the future. Win-win solutions can also help each side gain more than they could have if only one side had won.

In any conflict situation, we can make a conscious effort to reframe how we think about the conflict and to encourage the other to reframe his or her view of the conflict as well. To do this, we may make efforts to build greater trust and to demonstrate our sincerity in wanting to work together to find a solution that is mutually acceptable.

Principle 2: Move Beyond Positions to Understanding Interests

In order to find a mutually-acceptable “win-win” solution, it is necessary to understand what each side really needs and wants. This involves going beyond the positions of the parties to a conflict—i.e. the parties’ stated demands—to understand the interests that are the underlying reasons for these positions—i.e. the root causes or concerns. In other words, positions are what we say we want. Interests are why we want what we say we want.

If I’m arguing with my husband, for example, about where to go on vacation, and my position is that I want to go to Florida and his is that he wants to go to Colorado, we are likely to remain in an argument without reaching a mutually agreeable solution. Since it’s not possible to be in two places at once, one of us will have to lose for the other to win. But if we begin to discuss why we have taken these positions—i.e. our interests in picking these locations—we may begin to see options that would fulfill both our needs. If my underlying interest, for example, is that I want to swim at the beach and his is that he wants to hike in the mountains, we may decide after discussing this to go somewhere like Hawaii that has both beautiful beaches and mountains.

Another example is that of two shoppers arguing over who will get to buy the last pair of designer pants (trousers) at a store. The position of each is that she wants to buy the same pair of pants—mutually conflicting positions. However, upon talking about why each wants to buy the pants, it becomes apparent that one shopper wants to wear the pants themselves while the other wants the belt attached to the pants. They end up agreeing to split the cost of the purchase while one takes home the pants and the other the belt—a win-win solution in which both get what they want and even end up spending less money than they would have if they had won their initial position.

While these are personal examples, the same principles apply to larger, even international conflicts. Often interests are based on underlying human needs such as security, health, self-esteem, belonging, or identity. The Israeli-Palestinian conflict is often characterized as simply a conflict over the same piece of land which both groups claim as their own. However, there are much deeper interests at stake beyond positions of land ownership. Human rights and dignity; economic, political, and religious freedom; security; and psychological and spiritual ties to history are all critical reasons why parties may claim a particular piece of land. If parties to a conflict can understand each other’s interests and needs, there is a much better chance of addressing the root causes of the conflict and finding a win-win solution. To do this, we need to communicate honestly with each other about our needs and to commit to trying to understand and respect the needs of the other.

Principle 3: Question our Assumptions

We often make assumptions about others' interests and intentions. When someone says/does something, we tend to assume he/she meant what we would have meant if we had said or done that, but that’s not always true, especially in cases where we are from different cultures or backgrounds. When we assume others view a situation the same way we view it, or when we make mistaken assumptions about another’s interests, motivations, and intentions, it can create mutual misunderstandings, exacerbate conflict, and prevent us from addressing the real interests of each of us in a mutually-acceptable way.

We all make assumptions, and often need to rely on our assumptions to get through life when perfect information is not available. What’s important is to distinguish our assumptions from fact, to recognize when we’re making an assumption that may or may not be correct, and to question our assumptions. To question our assumptions means to ask the other how he/she feels or what he/she thinks or wants instead of assuming his/her feelings/views or attributing motivations or intentions to him/her based on our own assumptions.

Sometimes false assumptions can arise from differences in how individuals or groups manifest their values. For example, traditionally in the West, allowing a woman to walk first before a man is a sign of respect. An Egyptian friend told me that traditionally in his culture, to show respect a man walks in front of a woman in order to be able to protect her if any trouble should occur. While nowadays many women simply want to be treated no differently from men, if I were to apply my own Western assumptions if an Egyptian man asked me to walk behind him, I might mistakenly conclude that he intended to disrespect me when in fact he intended exactly the opposite.

Conflict can happen when we assume bad intentions of the other (without checking to understand what their intentions actually were), and when we assume our point of view is the only valid one. The story is told of three blind men who were trying to understand what an elephant was. The first man walked up and touched only the elephant’s trunk, and said, “An elephant is long and thin.” The second man walked up and touched only the elephant’s side and concluded, “An elephant is flat and wide.” The third man touched only the tip of the elephant’s tusk and said, “An elephant is hard and pointy.” The three then got into an argument about who was right. Each had a valid point of view, but was only able to see a part of the larger truth. We don’t have to always agree with others’ points of view, but we do need to understand them in order to understand their interests and to begin to see the full range of possibilities for a resolution to a conflict.

Principle 4: Listen Actively and Communicate Respectfully

When someone feels truly listened to and heard, he/she is much more likely to be open to listening to and hearing us. Thus, it is said that if you want someone to listen to you, listen to them first. Listening carefully also helps us to understand the other’s real interests and not to be misled by our assumptions. To listen actively means, first, to give the speaker your full attention/presence, without interrupting, without thinking about what you’re going to say next, without making mental judgments about the speaker or what he/she is saying, and without criticizing. It means listening to understand—whether or not you agree—the facts (what happened), the feelings (how the speaker felt about what happened), and the values (what is important to the speaker) of the situation.

Secondly, active listening involves showing the person you’ve heard them by: reflecting back to him/her what you’ve heard (e.g. “It sounds like you’re feeling very underappreciated”; “It sounds like honesty is really important to you”); asking him/her whether your understanding is correct; asking questions not to challenge the person or insert your own view, but to better understand and help the person tell his/her story and explore all sides of the problem; and acknowledging the person’s feelings, fears, and wounds.

The experience of being truly listened to and having one’s feelings understood and validated can be extremely powerful. I visited Israel and Palestine with a group which practiced active listening in hearing the stories of Israelis and Palestinians who had been deeply wounded by the conflict. The impact of this seemingly simple effort was remarkable. People who began by speaking tensely, defensively, expecting to be criticized and challenged, changed when they realized we were only there to listen to them without judging or criticizing. Their posture became more relaxed, their voices became calmer, and they began for the first time to smile. And once we had listened to them respectfully and had built up trust, they became more open to listening to others, and we were able to discuss more difficult issues together that would have been impossible at the beginning. Active listening can contribute to healing as well as problem-solving. How might the tensions at the Jordan conference have decreased if we had all tried from the beginning to learn and practice active listening?

Principles like these, adapted to each specific cultural or other context as appropriate, can form a basis for beginning to educate our students in conflict resolution from an early age. How might our societies and our world be different if we did?

* Rebecca Cataldi is a conflict resolution specialist and works for a conflict resolution NGO in Washington, D.C.
(Originally published http://www.childresearch.net/RESOURCE/ESSAY/2011/CATALDI.html)